Ministering to One Another

Having just celebrated Easter, the resurrection of Jesus, the greatest celebration in the Christian year, I am thinking about the women.

“When the Sabbath was over, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome bought spices so that they might go to anoint Jesus’ body. Very early on the first day of the week, just after sunrise, they were on their way to the tomb and they asked each other, ‘Who will roll the stone away from the entrance of the tomb?’” (Mark 16:1-3)

They were headed to the tomb. The borrowed tomb where Jesus was buried. But think about this: It was three days since his crucifixion, and in that climate, even in the cool of a cave, the body would have begun to deteriorate. Now, we know the end of the story. No body. No worries. But they didn’t.

His body, especially given the number of open sores and bleeding before he died, would have been really smelly. A disgusting odor. But they loved Jesus, and they were honoring their centuries-old traditions and practices of anointing a dead body. They were not thinking about the smell they would encounter.

Sister Chris Kean of the Benedictine Monastery at Mount St. Scholastica in Atchison, Kansas, says, “‘They were going to the tomb to preserve his body, but they were doing something else too,’ she says. ‘They were ministering to one another in their grief.’” (Atchison Blue, Judith Valente, page 53.)

Ministering to one another in their grief? I like that thought. I can see myself in that passage – especially the part about, “oh, duh, we’ve got this stuff we need, but, hey, that’s a huge stone, and besides it’s sealed with a Roman seal. And there are probably still Roman guards there, who are not going to be helpful at all. How are we going to get in there?” (The paraphrased gospel, according to Polly.)

Have you ever started out to do something and realized that you were missing an essential piece? Maybe making a certain dish or baking something, only to realize you do not have one critical ingredient? I have … many times. These women were not so much different than we are.

But in fairness to these dear women, they were grieving. When someone is grieving he or she may not be thinking clearly. A psychologist once told me, when I was in a muddled state, that phase is called retardation. It’s when you cannot think what to do when what you need to do is very plain and simple. Things as simple as what to put in your grocery cart or what to do next when clearly you need to shower and dress before you can do anything else.

It’s real. I have experienced it, and likely, so have you when you were grieving or coping with an emotionally troubling situation. If it hangs on it might become Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but it is a normal phase of dealing with a loss or difficult situation.

These two Marys and Salome ended up rejoicing when they discovered Jesus was alive. For most of us, when hard things happen the ending is not so happy. The person we love is not going to come back to this Earth. I believe I will see my husband, as well as grandparents and beloved aunts and uncles, again someday when I join them in Heaven, but for now, they are gone from me.

So what can we say to someone who has a loss of a loved one or some emotional upheaval?

I learned from things people said to me when my husband died that many well-meant comments actually hurt when the loss is fresh. Since then I have just been simply saying, “I am so sorry.”

Sister Thomasita Homan, also of Mount St. Scholastica, said, “I’m with you in your sadness.”  (Atchison Blue, page 43.)

I like that, and that is what I will say in the future.

It acknowledges that there is deep sadness. Those words also speak of being present with the person. It’s not about doing, although, of course, sometimes it really helps to “do” things, like bring food and paper products, provide transportation or other needs.

But more than doing, it’s about being. Walking along side someone, even if you are not physically present. And those words tell the person that you are sad, too.

Easter is about the end of death because Jesus is alive. I believe that with all my heart.

In times of loss, having someone walk with you is the way God intended it to be. None of those women mentioned in Mark’s Gospel went alone to the tomb. They supported each other. And that is what we need, too: someone who is with us in our sadness.

More Valuable than Birds

A few days ago I refilled my birdfeeder. I was tardy. It had been empty for a few days, and I had not gotten around to refilling it. And though the snow is gone from the ground, and the birds can forage for seeds, I enjoy watching them accumulate at the feeder, so I continue to refill it, even when it takes me a few days to get to it.

As I was watching the birds gather to feast, listening to them chatter, I again marveled at the different colors, shapes and sizes of the various kinds of birds – plenty of sparrows, a few house finches, cedar waxwings, cardinals, and occasionally a chickadee. The robins that came north very early this year prefer the tiny, probably fermented, crabapples on the tree in my front yard. But they were present at this gathering, too.

The birds are so beautiful. The bright red of the cardinals, the subtle colorings in the little sparrows – some with a white neck resembling a clerical collar, robins with their red-orange breasts, and the chickadee with his little black cap. What creativity God displayed by his color selections for birds – and these are just a few of the many he made.

Watching the birds, my mind wandered to thinking about how we tend to compare ourselves to others. I am aware that birds do not have the same cognitive abilities that humans do, but just imagine with me for a minute. What if the female cardinal, who is mostly a light gray with just a bit of red in her wings, was looking at the male, who is a beautiful red, and she began comparing and feeling inferior because she is not as brightly colored? Or what if the little chickadee with his black cap was jealous of the finch with the red on his head?

The sparrows have different markings, even within that species. What if one little sparrow was unhappy because she didn’t have that little white collar that her friends have? Or what if the cedar waxwing wished to have a red-orange breast like the robin?

Crazy? Maybe a bit. I don’t even know if birds perceive colors, but I’m pretty sure they can’t think well enough to compare their feathers to another bird’s. (There’s a reason why some people have been labeled “bird brain.” Not nice, but true. Birds’ brains are tiny.)

So, with our superb cognitive abilities, we DO compare. We compare looks, body image, and clothes. And then we go further and compare homes, cars, perceived incomes, educations and even kids’ behavior, intelligence, and achievements.

What are we accomplishing by comparing ourselves to others? Sometimes we look up to another person and try to model our behavior after that person. That’s not all bad. It’s good for us to have people we admire and want to emulate. But we are the people God made us to be. We are not someone else. We do not have the hair, body type, taste, clothing, home, car or kids that someone else has. We are ourselves. And that’s a good thing.

Of course we can try to improve who we are by study, working out, eating healthfully, dressing in a way that is flattering to our body type, getting a good hair cut and style, or whatever else we can do for self improvement. That’s all maintenance work on these earthly bodies. But the fact is you are the you God made you to be.

God made us with the personalities, coloring, body types that we are. So rather than compare yourself to another, remember that you are a unique creation of God’s, and you are beautiful whatever color, shape or personality you are.

“There will never be another you, and God meant it that way. He is the ultimate Creator, with more unique combinations of DNA at his disposal that there are grains of sand on all the beaches in the whole world…God loves you, exactly the way you are. Period.” (“Every Little Thing,” Deidra Riggs, page 164.)

The birds are all beautiful. Even the lowly sparrow. I don’t think it’s any accident that Jesus told the crowd, “…how much more valuable you are than birds! … Why do you worry about the rest?” (Luke 12:24-25) He was telling them that they have eternal value.

Jesus wanted the crowd to understand that God would take care of them, and he ended that parable with the statement, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (John 12:34)

That’s a lesson for us to stop comparing ourselves to others, believe that God will care for us, and for us to focus on what is important – our relationship with God and with our fellow human beings – and not what we look like or what we own. This life is not a competition, no matter what social media and publications tell us.

God loves you. And God’s love for you cannot be changed or reversed, no matter what you do or if you believe him or not.  

Where is your treasure? That’s where your heart is also.